Friday, May 12, 2006

Baltimore True

I found this picture today on flickr....
....It is so true... I love it!

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

New York

I went to New York a few weeks ago for a friend's birthday.

On the trip up I got lost and ended up in the Bronx. That was fun actually, cause I just drove south on a random street. Although I got stuck at a lot of lights I did drive through a good portion of the city and got to see a lot of stuff. Although by this time I was fed up with traffic in the tunnel and my balls were sweatier than all hell... overall I was glad I got lost.

The weekend was a blur overall. As soon as I arrived I showered and the crew began drinking. By drinking I don't mean enjoying a beer or two. I mean Jager bombs, followed by Black Haus, followed by Rumple Mintz. All in quick succession. It's what I refer to as aggressive drinking.

At some club/bar that a member of our group knew someone that worked there I broke a glass doing a Jager Bomb and a schard of it fell into the ice. Needless to say the staff was not pleased. I quickly cashed out my tab and left.

We ended up at some bar called The Red Lion which was a blast, great band playing, good times all around.

The night ended with total ridiculousness. Someone in our crew tried to buy an 8-ball and was sold a bag of salt. An argument ensued and a gun was brandished... the argument abruptly ended. The total scene was ridiculous. I was not in close proximity when occurred, and I was quite thankful for this.

For all the B.S. the night ended on a great note. A 14 hour drinking binge and no fights, no one got hurt, and a great birthday for a friend.

On Sunday when we checked out about 8 of us went out to breakfast in Greenich Village somewhere. Since, quite a few of us were hung over a few shots of GM and some Henieken Lt. seemed like a great idea. A few omelets and pancakes later and a few rounds of drinks, we had a $500 dollar breakfast tab, not including tip...
...New York expenses are not made for Baltimore style drinking habits.

Tuesday, May 02, 2006


Got real sick a week ago and have been sort of recovering lately along with plain physical exhaustion.

Just checking in.


Got real sick a week ago and have been sort of recovering lately along with plain physical exhaustion.

Just checking in.

Thursday, April 13, 2006

Last Saturday was a rainy dreary Baltimore day. My intramural sports games were cancelled, but my team still wanted to go out and drink. So I met up with them a little after 1. We got some beers and some breakfast and started the day off with a buzz amidst the rain.

Boston was still in town so the early bar crowds were a little thicker than usual. We had a few jager bombs to jump start the day, and my poison was the usual Stoli-O and Tonic. By about 5pm I had a solid buzz chasing me. My buddy "G" and I decided we would attempt to go the Orioles/Red Sox game since the rain had driven many people away and we could get cheap tickets, yet sit somewhere relatively close.

We left the bar we were at and went to a bar across the street to chug a few cheap beers. I happened to run into a friend of mine "L". She's a sweetheart who I hang out with from time to time. Coincidentally she had 2 tickets to the game that were right behind home plate. She gave them to us free of charge and just told us to "behave". We thankfully took the tickets, got a 1/5th of Smirnoff that we smuggled in and caught a cab to Camden Yards.

We arrived in the middle of the 1st, the weather was chilly, and the crowd was sparse. Our seats were great. By the 7th inning we were obviously drunk. The only meal I had eaten was the breakfast at 1pm and 3/4 of the bottle of Smirnoff was gone, on top of all the previous drinks at the bar.

After the game we were walking out of the stadium on the verge of black out drunk already. Apparently my friend stopped at a girl's house on the walk. I got to a local bar and asked myself, "Where is "G"?" I had no idea... I thought he came to the bar with me. I gave up searching. I instead called a friend "M" who I met up with and he and I chilled at his place for a minute, smoked, then went back out. By the time I was back out it was a little after 11... from here the night is a complete blur.

The next thing I remember is around 2:30 am. Some guy on the street called me gay cause "M" was holding me up walking me home at this point. I responded by saying that since I was gay, "He could watch me fuck his dad in the ass, while I finger blasted his mom."

Apparently the 5 guys from which the gay comment emitted just stood in shock of both what I said and my complete obliteration.

The next thing I remember is puking in M's toilet. And the next thing that is clear is waking up at 10am on his couch in search of any fluids available. It was only the 2nd time in nearly 3 years that I had puked the night of drinking. I puke every so often the day after, but very rarely the night of. The nausea was caused by drinking what my roommate and I equate to over 1.5 btls of liquor throughout the course of the day as well as eating nothing but breakfast. The hangover that ensued was a top 10. I went home shortly after waking, smoked to help the nausea, vomited a few more times, then passed back out. I had to work at 3 so making myself feel better was a high priority.

After showering and getting ready for work, I physically did not feel any better, although visually I didn't look like a complete piece of shit, just a partial one.
After I parked my car near the bar I got out, and again vomited everywhere on the pavement. I didn't know what to do and I honestly didn't think I was going to make it. But I did. I pulled my shit together, drank a bottle of water, and marched into work as if nothing was phasing me.

It's only when you are this hungover that it seems EVERYONE wants to do shots with you, and instead of shots, you serve them the look of death, that way they know and don't ask again.

The night dragged on, the pain slowly phased away. I made myself drink a Jager Bomb to help the pain... it was something I didn't want to do, but knew it would help.

That night I slept like a baby, and was once again taught the importance of eating when drinking. I never wish a hangover like that upon anyone.

except my ex-girlfriend's new boyfriend.
I hope he catches herpes too.

Friday, April 07, 2006

Boston Invasion

This past weekend the Orioles played the Boston Red Sox (barring that the weather holds). When Boston comes into town Boston fans from far and wide come out of the woodwork. They are a good fit for Baltimore, they drink and party just like us. The bars are insanely busy and the tips are good. I can't wait to get home tonight and count my stack.

Thursday night was pretty good too. At first the crowd was thin, and the night looked bleak. Then out of nowhere the crowd showed up. And all at once at that. Before I knew it people were puking in the bathroom, girls were flashing their tits for free shots, and we were caught a little off guard.

The staff last night was a relatively strong staff, however, and we quickly adapted and were good to go. Back to the tities that were flashed. They were a nice set I must say. They were a good symmetrical size, and appeared to be relatively firm. Although, they could have looked like mangled rawhides if I got a better look. But tities are tities and I will take a free flashing at any point.

Before we knew it the night had passed, the tits had been shoved back into their bras, and the front door was locked. The crew was finished cleaning soon after two and we all left, everyone in a relatively good mood. A few of the guys I work with said I could swing by their place for a few. So I did.

Everyone started smoking and it had been roughly a week since I had done so. I have been trying to cut back incase I switch jobs and for other reasons, but I can't lie. I love it. It felt good too. It was the perfect afterwork release. Smoking, a little ping pong, and then off to "K's" house.

When I got to "K's" house she was asleep. Two random people were in her kitchen when I arrived, but I thought nothing of it and headed upstairs to her room. She knew I was coming but she had been sleeping waiting for me. I woke her up, and she woke up surprisingly quick. For being asleep 5 seconds before she was awfully horny. She dragged me into the shower (cause I smelled like beer and cigarettes). So into the shower I went where we began to have careless mindblowing sex, which spilled out into the bathroom, and then back to her room. A trail of towels, shampoo bottles, and other items was left strewn about.

After our debauchery was complete, we realized that the two mystery people downstairs had been travelling back and forth between the 1st and 3rd floors. Whoops, guess they heard more than they (or us) expected. Neither of us cared though. We passed out laughing.

Thursday, April 06, 2006


I was blog hopping today when I stumbled across earnings rankings by job that the Labor Dept. had published.

The 10 least paying jobs were :
418 Maids and housemen $16,646
419 Early childhood teachers' assistants $16,138
420 Food preparation occupations, n.e.c. $16,109
421 Teachers aides $15,284
422 Baggage porters and bellhops $14,970
423 Substitute teachers $14,841
424 Attendants, amusement and recreation facilities $14,637
425 Bartenders $13,284
426 Waiters'/waitresses' assistants $12,432
427 Waiters and waitresses $8,789

The jobs I highlighted heavily rely on tips or incentive based pay. The DOL stated that:

Average annual earnings ranged from $22,317 to $8,789 for full-time workers in occupations at the bottom 10 percent of the wage ladder. About one-third of these 43 lowest paying positions were in the service major occupational group. The remaining two-thirds were mostly accounted for by the following major groups: administrative support, machine operators, handlers, and sales occupations. The low annual earnings for waiters and waitresses ($8,789) in the service group may be misleading because the NCS does not include tips as part of wages. As a result, earnings for waiters and waitresses may be understated. Assistants to waiters and waitresses were ranked 426th, with average annual earnings of $12,432. (Rates for some other low-ranked occupations, such as bartenders, baggage porters and bellhops, parking lot attendants, and taxicab drivers and chauffeurs, were similarly affected by the absence of information on tips.)

In my opinion thats BULL SHIT, because when the majority of your income comes from tips then that IS your income. Whatever. I just am upset that it understates and belittles the service industry as a whole, when many hard working Americans make a decent living. It's just another shot at the industry in my opinion.

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

Opening Day

Opening Day in Baltimore is like a national holiday. Teachers take off (at least all the ones I know did). Government workers take half days, and corporate high-ups leave early.

It's great. It's everything a warm spring day should entail. Cloudy skies, cold beers, and baseball.

I took a half day myself and went in early to help get ready for the onslaught of fans.

Anyway, Opening Day has passed and baseball season is here.
There is nothing I love more than sneaking in some booze to an O's game, grabbing some hotdogs and watching the O's win an occasional game. Camden Yards is the most beautiful stadium and its one of my favorite reasons for loving/living in Baltimore

Friday, March 31, 2006

Its been a fairly calm week overall. Last Saturday I got banged up per the norm. However, it was fairly low key overall. Sans, the teaming up of a girl I am dating and my roommate to draw all over me when I pass out. But at least it was in ink and not marker.

This week I was trying not to go out really and just lay low. I did go out for food and such. Each time I decided to drink soda instead of beer or alcohol. However, God must have been out to get me (or the Devil rather).

At the bar my best friend and I decided to eat at "B" a friend of mine was bartending. After dinner she asked if we wanted a shot. I declined (and I NEVER decline a shot from a bartender). It is almost like an insult to me. 2 seconds later the beer promotion girls wandered in and started giving away free beers as samples. I also declined.

"No drinking" I said to myself.

On the walk home, I stopped in to my favorite bar in town to say hi to the manager who is a good friend of mine. We were there no more than 2 minutes and the other bartender was pouring shots of GM for us. I politely declined. My friend and the bartender were honestly confused, because again I never turn down shots.

I am beginning to think it is a bad thing to be sober in Baltimore.

Friday, March 24, 2006

Story Time

I'm bored at work so I decided to type up a drunk story. I'll post some of my best from time to time, just for sheer entertainment.

On Fat Tuesday I was getting quickly hammered, text messaging girls that I wanted to hook up with and calling buddies I wanted to drink with. I was text messaging and peeing (being the great multi-tasking drunk that I am). When suddenly the coefficient of friction between my hand and my phone went to 0. And my phone slowly fell into the bar toilet, filled with not only my piss, but I am sure half of Baltimore's piss. Without hesitation I plunged my hand to the bottom to retrieve my phone.

Sidenote: This is not the first time I have dropped my phone in the toilet. The previous time I let it dry out for 2 days and I worked again, no problem.

I was in the middle of trying to meet up with a hot girl, "J" who is way outta my league, yet she seems to have mild interest in me. Being that I was beyond hammered and knowing that if the phone dries out it will most likely be usable again. I.. somewhere between the severe blackout that was occurring and my desire to blow a load I thought the best course of action was to put my phone in the microwave to "dry it out". Luckily I was near the bar I work at, so I stumbled over, and walked into the back. The barback that was working and Hispanic dishwasher were warning me against this (from the 2 seconds I remember through my blackout).

"No bueno amigo, no bueno. Tu es mucho loco" the dishwasher said.

"Es MUY BUENO AMIGO!!!" "Tu necessito telephono por (insert humping action and imitating a woman's breast).

"Mucho loco" he replied.

The barback walked in at this point and was like dude!!

At this point, I shut the door hit 30sec. And that was that. The phone began sparking wildly. I immediately opened the door and grabbed it. The battery was smoking hot. My phone was FRIED.

I was drunk and had to work in the morning and my phone is my only alarm. I tried to figure out a plan. I ended up over to "V's" house. On the walk I took a orange no parking bag off a meter and began to fill it with dirt balls. This must have been my second stroke of drunken genius. I thought to myself drunkenly, "I can throw them at her window and wake her up!"

Fortunately it did work, and no windows were broken. Just a few annoyed roommates.

In the morning my hangover was pounding. "V" was laughing at me and said I relentlessly tried to hook up with her when I arrived. She blocked me like Fort Knox.

At least I made it to work on time.
Thursday night at the bar was pretty decent overall. Hectic as usual, but no major trip ups.

"T", the girl from my previous post "Burned but not beaten" stopped in for a beer. We talked for a bit, but she vanished before we could say bye to each other. A bit later she did send me text message. It said she would be out of town for the weekend, but to give her a call. The whole thing intrigued me because other than hanging out at the bar we have never talked on the phone, and she's never showed more interest than a drunken make out/bar buddies. Maybe the tide is turning though. She does move into the neighborhood the 1st of April.... so things could be looking good.... or things could be getting really complicated.

I've been hanging out with "K" ALOT, pretty much every night we at least fuck like high school kids with the house to themselves, sometimes even hang out. I'm pretty sure she is getting attatched, and I am too a little bit. Something, something obscure is holding me back from fully committing. I think it's a combination of a few things. One being that I still love my ex, even though we haven't talked since August. Another, being that this IS the first time I've been truly single in a long time and I am just having a blast.

"V" also came into the bar last night, we have had a complete 180 in the last two weeks. Our status went from it being pretty much what it is with "K" right now, to it being a completely awkward situation. When she stopped in all I said was hi, and before I knew it she had left. I think it's for the best. Battling it out on a smooth Thursday night is not what I need nor want.

We got out of work so quickly last night that I had time to wander over to a my favorite neighboring bar and talk to my friends who work there. I have not seen them in a while and we caught up. I ended up staying there till roughly 3:30 am. After we left the bar we went over to one of the staff members house that works there. I drove "M" whose house I've stayed at before (but not hooked up with, although I would like to, and was trying at this very point in time). She is very friendly, however, that is her nature and I am unsure of how to take it. When we got to the house a few people were already there

One was passed out on the living room floor. He was wasted at the bar while he was cleaning, so this came as no suppose

The others were sitting quietly, watching T.V. They were smoked out and relaxed.

We smoked for a bit and then watched part of the movie, The Girl Next Door.

We had not been there but for 5 minutes, when the one girl's dog pees on a jacket of a mysterious person who was not in the room. When I say pee I don't mean a little bit. I mean a huge I've been out all night piss. The guy's coat was soaked. And while not a funny thing to happen....

...I was shitting myself with laughter. The dog's owner was running around franticly trying to sop it up and find out if the coat was washable....

The situation worked itself out, and by this time it was 4am. I realized that "M" was fried and going to hang out with her friends from work. I informed everyone that I had to go because I had to work at 8:30am and departed for the next option... "K's" house. I called, she woke from a dead sleep and let me in. We talked, had some mind blowing sex as usual and passed out.

She let me sleep till the absolute last minute this morning, for which I was both thankful and angry because now I really had to rush to get in. But here I am on 2.5 hours sleep, ready to work through the night again tonight.

One of these days I will collapse with fatigue... hopefully that is not tonight

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

St. Patrick's Day

St. Patrick's Day ended up being a more manageable mess than I could have ever imagined.

I took a half day at my day job to come in and help. On the way in I stopped by a local establishment that my friend "S" works at. My situation with her is another awkward one. Over last summer we spent an entire month together hanging out, we slept over each others places all the time (pretty much every night). However, I began dating a girl for about a month around September and that changed our whole situation.

When I arrived at S's restaurant she was excited as always to see me. I slid up to the bar and we talked. I ordered a sandwich and a Stoli O and tonic. Midway through my sandwich an unexpected car bomb arrived in front of me. Without hesitation I finished it off just as any respectful Irishman would. I then proceeded to finish up my meal and joke with Sara about how we should cuddle again. She laughed and said our time had passed (I'll still pursue).

I walked out and the sun hit me, the car bomb and Stoli O and tonic had already taken its hold. I had a head buzz at 1:30 in the afternoon and I had 12 hours of St. Patty's day drinking (and more importantly working) ahead of me.

It was busy for the time of day when I got there, but the crowd began to subside around 3:30.

Around happy hour was when the first hit came in. The, "Hey, lets go drinking straight from work crowd." They polish off drinks quick, but tend to fade as their buzz sets in, yet the sun has not set.

After dealing with the initial onslaught, the crowd died, and for a while it looked as if it would never pick back up.

Around 11pm, it started. The surge began, and it did not cease.
Although, for St. Patty's day it was not as bad as it could have been.

While the crowd was manageable, certain people I knew were not.

One of the girls, V, I had been seeing from the "triangle" was there. She comes in every Friday and gets piss drunk and we end up fighting. It is something I dread.
For the weeks prior we were pretty serious. I was exclusively seeing her..A lot, however, we were not officially dating. The worst was that she was always skeptical and questioned my actions. So I decided it would be best if we were not so serious anymore.

This particular Friday she was her usual black out drunk.

Another guy who works in an area hang out had showed interest in her and they were drunkenly hanging on each other.
The guy is a great guy and I have no problem with them hanging out. Although, when it is occurring right in front of me at the bar I work at, of which I am unable to leave the situation it tends to make me quite heated.

To abbreviate the whole situation she ended up going home alone.
I mistakenly tried to talk to her even though I knew her intoxication level.
She said I shouldn't care because I never cared anyway about her, and I told her that if that's what she really thought I regret everything we had done together...

..She started sobbing and ran away.

The next day she remembered nothing. UGH!
So we had to battle it out over instant messenger since I was stuck at work.

Friday, March 17, 2006

Pencil Me In

The older lady that can sometimes irk me just sent out an email to myself and the other three asking when would be good to clean the Boss's Office. She wants to clean the area underneath the glass protecting his oak table.

My favorite part was when one of the other people in the email, replied all and asked "Right now?".

Why don't you pick up the goddamn phone and page them, holy shit!

And btw, how about never. And while everyone is on this little email discussion, ask the Boss when would be good for him to help me wash my car. It's getting a little dirty.

Not bitter, just annoyed with ridiculousness.

Late Registration

There are 3 other coworkers at my day job who have the same position I do. I sit with two of them. When they changed my job duties I refused to transfer where the 4th person sits because she can be slightly annoying, but in a sweet way. She is much much older and has been here forever. She just gets under my skin.

The other two people I sit with are both my age. We are all sitting here silently. Listening to Kanye West, bobbing our heads very gently. It's cracking me up.

I'm taking a half day at work today in order to go into the bar early for St. Patrick's day. It should be an utter cluster fuck today of people of mostly non-Irish heritage parting their non-Irish asses off. Last year St. Patrick's day fell on a weeknight and it was a disaster. This year it's on a Friday!? I am mentally preparing for all out war and devastation. If the bar doesn't burn down by 2am it will be a miracle.

Thursday night after work my most recent ex "M" texted me at 2:15am. I recently lost all my phone numbers so when I called the number I thought it was a different girl by the same name. I eventually figured it all out. Her intentions were clear. She just wanted to "hang out".

If I was going home alone that night I may have given in and "hung out". However, "K" was expecting me... and "M" fucks like a wet towel, where as "K" fucks like a starving Puma. So the obvious decision was made. I think "M" started to pick up on what was going on, although she was so drunk I do not believe she remembers.
After I left and was with "K", "M" called twice and texted once. She was a little peeved due to the fact that I half asked, half accused her of doing coke (the guy's house she was at sometimes get into the powder).

When I got to "K's" house we realized someone had come into her room and stole my smoke. We looked all over for it and neither of us moved it. She got pissed, and I was just pissed cause I had nothing...

We left and went back to my house instead, me still sober and "K" still venting.
"I can't fucking believe this, I just can't!" "Who the fuck would come in and take my shit?" "And this isn't the first time this has happened." "Fucking ASSHOLES!"

I tried not to think about. Nothing I could do now. I just felt bad that her roommates and/or roommates friends would do that. I couldn't imagine living in a situation like that. I leave my tips out all the time and think nothing of it. I guess that's what bad roommates are like.

The standard apologetic post-drunk text from "M" this morning stated, "Last night never happened K? Completely out of control. So sorry. Have a good day" We are still friends and I never had intentions to piss her off, plus she still owes me a nice I don't want to loose out on that by ticking her off.

Thursday, March 16, 2006

Hump Day

It's Wednesday the day before my back to back doubles. As usual I know I need a good night's sleep. Conventional wisdom never seems to kick in, and staying out for a good part of the night seems smart. I planned on smoking, cleaning my room a little, and adding up my tips to deposit, however

I received a call early in the evening from a bartender, "M" from a nearby bar that I am friends with. She's cute, her eyes a little weird to me (but that's just me being weird), decent body, likes to party, lives nearby, so all in all not too bad. We have been trying to coordinate smoking together for a while, but have failed on all attempts. I tell her of my plans to smoke and chill and invite her over, she agrees to the plan. I am unsure of her intentions though because I have spent the night twice at her house, in her bed. Yet, we have failed to hook up. So, I am unsure of my status or where it may be heading. Am I a good friend, cuddle buddy, smoking/drinking partner? I am lost.

While I am on the phone with her my fuck buddy/possible girl interest calls to see what I am doing. I tell "M" that my dad is calling and I will call her right back. "K"(who I said was my dad) wants to see what I am up to. I tell her that I am chilling right now but have to meet up with my friend "S" in a little bit. This, however, is a total lie which I use to buy time to hang out with "M" who not so conveniently lives within a little more than a baseball throws distance from "K". In order to prevent a weird situation if they both show at my place, I call "M" and tell her it would just be easier to drive over there and hang at her place for a bit.

I make my way over to "M's" and we chill for a bit. Apparently her flamboyantly gay roommate does not like to be around her when she smokes, and they are about to depart to a movie at 10. So after I give her a shoulder rub and we discuss what to do, we make our way over to her friend "D's" who I have never met. The two of us hanging out with other guy friends made me more aware of my status sinking into the Friend Zone . We chill at their place, smoke, and listen to some good music. We smoke and ran, but I didn't fell bad about it because I had come bearing "gifts".

I walked "M" home so she could get to the movies and stopped at the liquor store on the way for a Gatorade and some Sour Skittles (these things F'ing rock).
So after a good hour hanging out I departed, and called "K". We decided to go to her place and chill. Within a few minutes of getting to her place her roommate barges in hammered. "K" and I were just chilling talking, when her roommate proceeds to repeat variations of. "Why are you guys down here?" "Go upstairs" "Shouldn't you two be fucking?" "Why aren't you fucking?"

I was not uncomfortable by any of these statements, and neither was "K". On the other hand they were quite amusing. Even more amusing was when said roommate started to walk upstairs, on roughly stair 6 she slipped tumbled and rolled backwards smacking her head on the wall, HARD! "K" and I jumped up worried. The drunken roommate curled in the fetal position just laughed and said, "How did that happen? I 'm not even that drunk!" "K" and I looked at each other but said nothing. "you guys got any smoke?" Again we looked at each other and said nothing, bed was the best option for her at this point.

After that debacle, "K" began to get feisty. I liked it. We fumbled our way upstairs, where she proceeded to take complete advantage of me, although I was a willing participant.

All in all a good night to begin ramping up for the St. Patrick's day ridiculousness.

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Sunday Funday

A few weeks back I was working a Sunday night. Some girls that a regular customers (and beginning to become friends of sorts) stopped in for their usual Sunday night debauchery. The three of them are all fairly attractive and very down to earth. (I would surely hook up with any of them, and have kissed two of them).

A few weeks earlier they had brought a friend with them "C". She was about 5'6, very slender, and blonde. The first time I met her she flirted with me harmlessly, however, unlike most times I picked up on it.

So, when they brought her in this particular Sunday I began flirting with her, put my hat on her head (I think girls look smokin in backwards baseball hats). The hat gives them a sporty, confident, and down to earth look... I absolutely love it.
After a few hours of beers and shots, and repeating that cycle, everyone was tipsy, some wasted. She was one of them, yet I was unaware. As much as I work in the bar I can never tell how drunk people are until they are WASTED.

When the night was over I offered to drive them home to Brewer's Hill. When I dropped them off the one girl insisted I drop her off first. She was setting me up to hook up. I knew this and she did too. The slim blonde and I arrived outside her house. We talked back and forth, and then she dove in, and we started making out. She invited me in, we had to let her dog out.

We got in her house and started making out all over, on the counter, the floor, the couch. It was a blast. Although, it was not until this point that I realized HOW drunk she really was. It was just the look in her eyes. We continued to fool around and her shirt eventually worked its way off.

She was slim and I knew she had small breasts. But, her breasts were basically non-existent, once removed from the clothes hiding them. I am not a breast guy, or normally concerned with size of a woman's chest. But, this was a whole new game for me. It just caught me off guard. I am used to at least a little something, a handful, enough to tweak between my pointer and thumb, SOMETHING. But I got NOTHING! It's ok though, she's not disqualified or even loosing points for this physical trait. I was just amazed.

After a good 30 minute make out and light groping session its 4am on a Sunday night/Monday morning and we both have to work. In her drunken stupor between kisses she stated she had to go to sleep. Drunkenly she stripped all her clothes off, except for her underwear and dove in bed.

It was at this point that a critical decision had to be made. Stay, sleep, and drive home in the morning and risk an uncomfortable wake up. Or drive home now and pass out. I choose to stay and sleep in a warm bed (STUPID).

When we both woke up in the morning she seemed confused. I mean she WAS almost naked and whether she knew what happened or not I am not sure. I felt awkward like she thought we screwed (which we definitely did NOT). So I woke up, drove home, changed, and trucked into work. Tired and groggily recalling the nights events. On the drive home I realized something. I left my wallet, wine key, and bottle opener on her kitchen table. There was no time to cut back. I was already going to cut it close for work, and cutting back through Canton and Brewer's Hill would surely put me behind.

Later in the day I received a text, telling me that my stuff was there. She said she was going to drop it off at the bar for me. As that may seem nice, it is also a sure way to avoid seeing me and feeling uncomfortable. However, I later received another text that stated she was too hung over to move and asked me to just come get it. Apparently she was so hung over she skipped work and stayed home all day. Hmmmm... she probably definitely does not recall much and now I feel guilty. Like I did something wrong! I ended up picking my stuff up on that Monday night. I stopped by, she was still hurting, and we talked for a few minutes and then I left. I didn't really feel awkward but I could tell she did, so I chatted and bolted.
It was one of those things.

I ended up running into her again when I was out one night. She ended up drunkenly texting me later that night (a booty call I assume). And she also came back into the bar on a Sunday with her crew. So all in all, I guess she doesn't think too low of me, which is good, right? I'll see how things play out.

However, I do not expect or want more from this chick...

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Burned But Not Beaten

A few Saturdays back I made out with a girl who is a friend of a friend. I usually see her about every weekend as of lately. I always flirt with her, give her the first round free, and try to harmlessly let her know of my crush on her. We made out and then got lost in the melee of a Saturday night crowd. My blackout, along with a large group of friends, hindered me from pursuing anything further.

When I arrived to work on Sunday for work her and her friends were there, already a few beers deep. They laughed at me and giggled a little. The girl's friends were telling us to make out again in that lets embarrass them sorta way. Fortunately the beer and the atmosphere had taken hold and it was all in good fun. She kept flirting with me and grabbing me.

Eventually she went to the bathroom and said, "You can meet me back there in 2 minutes if you want."

Hmmmm..... However, I was working and got caught up in something with the manager and missed my window.

She asked, "What happened to you?"

I explained and she says in that disappointed way, "I see."

But it wasn't that way. I wanted to make out with her again for sure. So for the next hour or so I poked and prodded and made it evident that I was interested. Sure enough, my window reopened. We made out in the hallway for at least a good minute. Good stuff. We stopped, she laughed smiled and ran back to her table "tipsily" hoping her friend wouldn't notice her absence. We ended up making out right in the middle of the bar again before she left. Luckily my manager did not notice. She stole one of my rubber remember bracelets and left.

"I'm in for sure" I thought to myself.

A few days later I decided to send her a text to see if she wanted to grab a bite to eat. I hate asking girls out for the first time. I waited nervously for two hours. Finally the reply came.

"Sorry I did not get your message sooner. I was at the gym and then the library studying for a test most of the night"
Hmmm....I noted the fact that she did not say maybe another time. I noted this because I was curious if she was interested and also due to my super over analytical state in situations like this.

The blow off.
The blow off can occur in various forms. 1) The true-blue blow off. In this situation you are fucked. Just cut your losses and hope for another drunken redezvous. 2) The nervous blow off. The person likes you, but is afraid to open up and nervous of the outcome. 3) The serious blow off, where they are interested, but just not available at that time. Which blow off this was, I was unsure. Her friend noted that shes just having fun right now.... thats cool with me... but how to relay that without coming on awkwardly. "Sure Im down with making out and screwing with no strings..." yea, not that easy.

This Sunday the group stopped in again. Not a few beers deep, but still friendly none the less. I comped all their beers $17, and talked and hung out with their table a bit. They weren't in it for the long hall. They had just completed a half marathon and were beat. They left, no friction or awkwardness was present, which is good... that still leaves opportunity.

The tip $5 on a $25, which excluded the $17 in comped beer. Hmmm.... Bad tip in my opinion. Should have been at least $10. That's what happens when you work in the business though. You crtique everything when it comes to dinning and drinking.